As I've said before, I am going through a storm in my life which has caused different emotions and feelings to surface in my life. I've never been through so much drama in all of my life. Today, I read one of my favorite scriptures that I read every morning, which is Psalms 50:15 - "I want you to trust me in your times of trouble, so I can rescue you, and you can give me glory." I received a new revelation and that is to Trust God.
Trusting God has been on my mind for the past couple of days. Is it that simple to just "Trust" God through your troubles? I feel that my spirit really would like to trust God, but the circumstances around my life have blinded me to trusting God. I know that I should trust Him, but it is so hard to do it at this moment. I know that it is one step at a time and it is not in my power but in God's power to help me trust Him. I'm starting to realize that I have to let go of the worrying. It's hard to let go of the worrying when that is all that you have to hold onto at the moment. If I let go of the worrying, then what do I do? How do I trust God. I don't think that there is a human answer, but I believe that there are spiritual solutions.
Psalms 91:14-16 is another scripture that I read daily - For the Lord says, "Because he loves me, I will rescue him; I will make him great because he trusts in my name. When he calls on me I will answer; I will be with him in trouble, and rescue him and honor him. I will satisfy him with a full life, and give him my salvation."
How do you trust God when you have so many darts coming your way? I came across something that I read from Charles Stanley's book Finding Peace p.48 - "Those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing"(Psalms 34:10) - It is not part of God's plan for you to lie awake at night, tossing and turning and wondering, How am I going to pay my bills if I lose my job? What am I going to do when I retire if the stock market continues to decline? How am I going to provide for my family if my company goes through bankruptcy.... Friend, God is able to meet that need! He is the God who provides for His people all things that are required for a full, satisfying, and purposeful life."
So, I truly have to ask myself do I truly believe that God will take care of me during this storm? How much doubt do I have in my heart? I know that He knows my heart and He knows the answer. Can I honestly say that I completely Trust God at this moment? No, I don't completely trust God at this moment. I'm sure that it is ok with Him, because He loves me through thick and thin. At one point in my life up until this storm, I did completely trust God, so I thought? Maybe my storm is to get me to completely trust God in my life? Who knows why we go through these peaks and valleys? All of us are on a different journey with the same outcome.
I've read the above scriptures over and over during my life and they seem so new to me at this moment. It is weird how you can read the same scripture one moment and the next moment it feels so new or takes on a whole new meaning in your heart.
In spite of that, I've wavered during this storm, I've tried to keep myself on solid ground. I know that I just have to let go and let God. I've heard that when He closes one door there are many doors He can open in your life. It all sounds good in theory, but when you are riding on a dinghy and trying to pass through the storm it is hard to think about that stuff at the moment. I'm sure that there are some people of great faith who have held on tight during their storm. Although true, I'm sure that there have there have been people of great faith who have had moments of wavering, doubts, concerns, trust issues and faith issues, which doesn't make them any less of a believer, they are just as human as you and myself.
I read scriptures every day and a lot of other books that I draw my inspiration to continue down my life journey. At times, these books are helpful and at times nothing helps me at all. It is all just a waiting process and to continue believing in what I believe for in my life.
In conclusion, I am just being honest and I am going to keep this blog open to my feelings and emotions during this storm. I hope that someone else can relate with me during this storm. I am by far from perfect nor am I trying to be perfect. I just want my life back on track, so that I can lead a fulfilling life and have a happy life and come out of this storm. Yes, I believe in God, Yes, I have my doubts with God. Maybe this storm is to clear up these doubts?
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